My background is in scientific research. I was used to asking questions, reading studies and trying to understand how conclusions were reached. Alongside that, I was studying Deen, my Islamic way of life. Science and Deen were both genuine passions. I was not setting out to choose between them. I wanted to understand, and to find something worthwhile to do with what I knew.
I need to engage in deep thought. That has been a real need, not something I can put aside by keeping myself occupied. I want to understand things, and I want the effort of understanding to become part of something worthwhile. Ordinary stability matters, but it does not answer the question of what I should do with the abilities I have.
Science is still very much part of this. I enjoy following a question, reading what has been found, comparing explanations and trying to work out what the evidence allows us to say. That interest does not disappear when a conventional professional path no longer provides the meaning I had hoped for. I can question the direction of my work without losing my interest in the work of understanding.
Learning Deen brought that intellectual excitement into another part of my life. There was so much to learn, and there seemed to be a way of doing something useful with what I already knew. I hoped to work with people who had spent years studying religious sources. They could contribute that knowledge; I could contribute practical and technical skills. The possibility of bringing those things together felt meaningful.
What made it worthwhile was my understanding of life beyond these sixty or so years. Success meant something that could matter beyond this life. In that work, my passion for science and learning and my sense of purpose in Deen seemed to come together. I was intellectually engaged, learning new things and doing something I believed was worth doing.